Monday, January 22, 2007

Job Hunting Blues

It is early in the morning and the rest of the house is still asleep. I have been up job hunting for a few hours already. I guess my hope is that if my resume is received super early in the morning, that it will be one of the first an HR Manager will open today. I know it sounds crazy, but it might work...right?

As I submit all of these resumes and applications, life seems hopeless at times. So many resumes have been submitted, yet I have not received any replies. I know it takes time to have someone offer you an interview, but this process is so scary for me.

I know I need to find a job so the children and I can be okay. I need to be able to support us. Rent here in Spokane is so expensive. I am just hoping I am making the right decision. What if I am not strong enough, smart enough...to be able to manage things on my own. What if I fail? How will I be able to take care of the kids on my own?

Well, here's hoping I will find something soon! I am off to submit more resumes and to call the temp agencies to set up an appointment.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Random Quotes

I found these quotes while reading online about marriage, love, alcoholism, relationships, and divorce. I wish life did not need to be so complicated. I don't want to have to make these choices. This is too hard!

How empty of me, To be so full of him
- Janet Jackson

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves"
- Shakespeare

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage
- Dr. Karl Bowman

You love me so much, You want to put me in your pocket. And I should die there smothered. - D.H. Lawrence

Indulge no more may we
In this sweet-bitter pastime
The love light shines the last time
Between you, Dear, and me.

Though fervent was our vow
Though ruddily ran our pleasure
Bliss has fulfilled its measure
And sees its sentence now.

Ache deep; but make no moans:
Smile out; but stilly suffer:
The paths of love are rougher
Than thoroughfares of stones.

- Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)

After A While

I found this while looking for answers and decided to share it here with appropriate attributes to the author. This has really touched me a lot and I read it often. It helps keep me focused and remember that I did not choose this by myself.

I have to move forward to protect myself and my children.
I must move forward to stop enabling him.
I must learn to simply be me without living to protect him from himself.
I deserve to exist as an individual, not as simply an extension of him.
I deserve to be safe.
I deserve to live in an alcohol and drug-free environment.
I deserve to be happy again.

After A While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn ...

-Veronica A. Shoffstall

**If you have a loved one that is addicted to alcohol, please help them get help. In the process, please remember that you are also important. Get help for yourself and leave if you must to make it happen. You are not responsible for the choices that another person makes. You can only be responsible for your own choices.

I am still trying to take that step. I can only hope I will be strong enough to talk away. My children and I deserve to be able to live without fear.