Don't bring me roses, they will only die. They represent a mask that is supposed to hide the truth behind the gesture...something that for most is considered a symbol of the most sweet things...love, friendship, care...for me roses are nothing but pain.
Don't waste your money on me...if you want me to know you love me...then show me. Be there for me. Listen to me. Spend time with me. I don't want your money. I don't want your sympathy. I want something true...I want something real. I want something honest and decent. If I cannot have that, then I want nothing at all. Don't make me promises in vain. They only hurt me in the end. I don't need that. I need something real...
Monday, June 11, 2007
A few months have passed since my last blogging. So much has happened since that moment, it is hard to know how to even express the gravity of the change that is evolving daily within me. I have learned a great deal about myself. I have learned to be a whole lot more patient. I have learned that it is okay to be happy, and to let dishes sit in the sink for a little while without feeling guilty.
Lessons learned out of necessity, not because they were things ordered upon me or habits I created to try to make life seem less depressing or dry. Instead, learning to live in the here and now...not the past...not the future...but simply living right this second. WOW! What a concept. It is not easy for me to keep this mind set however. I still manage to panick and become overwhelmed at all the things I feel I should be doing. But when I sit back and think about it...so many of the things I worry about, really do not matter at the end of the day. In the end, I have spent a great deal of time stressing over things that no one else on the planet would likely even care about...yet I have such high expectations of myself...that there is no way I can win...at least not until I change.
I have managed to heal myself of several bad habits...I quit smoking, I have quit thinking badly of people just because I am having a bad day. Instead...I force myself to find something good about everyone...yes even the teen at the McDonalds drive through that does not appear to have a clue...there is something nice about her too! :) By doing this, I have found I am more patient and tolerant of others. I am more caring towards myself and forgiving of myself as well. WOW! What a concept there!
Posted by Caitlyn at 11:03 PM